A Seat at the Table: Seeing Your Siblings as They Are Now

Angela Earley
18 minutes ago
2 min read

Children with colorful backpacks walk towards Northwood Elementary entrance. Fall leaves scattered on the ground. Building says "Welcome." — A family gathers around a beautifully set dinner table, enjoying a festive meal with roasted turkey, mashed potatoes, and an array of delicious holiday dishes, surrounded by warm candlelight and heartfelt conversations.

This Thanksgiving, break free from old family roles to cultivate deeper, more meaningful connections.

The Weight of Family Lore: Long-standing family narratives—such as the "Smart One," the "Baby," or the "Too Sensitive One"—often lock adult siblings into childhood roles. These ingrained perceptions are particularly strong during large family gatherings like Thanksgiving, making it difficult for individuals to show up as the complex, changed adults they are today and contributing significantly to holiday stress.
Experiences Drive Transformation: Just as you have evolved through life's triumphs and setbacks, so too have your siblings. Time and experience inevitably shift personalities, priorities, and capabilities. To foster better relationships, it's vital to consciously recognize that the family myths no longer represent the current reality of who each person has become.
Cultivate Curiosity, Not Assumptions: The key to shedding old roles is adopting a mindset of genuine curiosity. Instead of reacting to a sibling based on an outdated assumption, try to understand their current struggles, triumphs, and choices. Asking empathetic questions in private can open the door for them to let down their guard and share a more nuanced truth about their life.
The Power of Self-Disclosure: Change in family dynamics often requires someone to go first. Choosing to be more open and self-revealing about your own struggles or surprising choices can create a healing space for your siblings to reciprocate. This act of vulnerability can shift the relationship from one based on performance to one based on mutual respect and authentic connection.