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Navigating the Fog of Ambiguous Loss

  • Writer: Angela Earley
    Angela Earley
  • 3 days ago
  • 2 min read
Children with colorful backpacks walk towards Northwood Elementary entrance. Fall leaves scattered on the ground. Building says "Welcome."
A solitary figure stands on a misty coastal cliff, gazing toward the sea next to a weathered, ivy-clad stone building. The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and mystery, with the fog shrouding the landscape in a tranquil, ethereal ambiance.

Navigating the Fog of Ambiguous Loss

Finding a path forward when the closure we crave is impossible to find.


  • Understanding the Unique Pain: Unlike the finality of death, "ambiguous loss" occurs when a loved one is physically present but psychologically absent (like dementia or addiction) or psychologically present but physically absent (like ghosting or estrangement). Because there is no funeral or social ritual to mark the end, the nervous system remains destabilized, trapping us in a state of "frozen grief" where hope and mourning are in constant conflict.


  • Releasing the Need for Certainty: A key step in healing is accepting that we may never get the answers or the "clean goodbye" we desire. Instead of waiting for closure to begin living again, we must build a tolerance for uncertainty. This shift allows us to move from a need to control the outcome to a place where we can exist peacefully within the unknown.


  • Normalizing the Ambivalence: It is entirely normal to feel a chaotic mix of love, anger, fear, and sadness simultaneously when facing this type of loss. Acknowledging and normalizing these conflicting emotions—rather than judging ourselves for having them—is crucial. We must give ourselves permission to grieve a loss that society often fails to recognize or validate.


  • Reconstructing Identity and Meaning: Since the relationship has changed without a clear ending, we are often left questioning who we are in relation to that person. Healing requires actively reconstructing our own identity and finding new meaning in our lives independent of that relationship. We can create our own rituals to honor what was lost and revise our understanding of the attachment, learning to live with the reality of what is, rather than what used to be.


If your mental health is being affected by grief,

I can help.




Learn more ways to navigate ambiguous grief below.




Citation

Samantha Stein Psy.D. (2026, Feb. 10.

Grieving Loss When There’s No Clean Goodbye Understanding ambiguous loss. Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-the-wild-things-are/202602/grieving-loss-when-theres-no-clean-goodbye

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